Moments of insanity
by The Bickering Kingdom
Summary: one shots. A kind of sequel to Dear Students, don't have to read to make sense. Previously called 30 moments of insanity.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

Ginny Weasley was sitting in potions, listening to Professor Snape going on about how useless everybody in the class was at potions.

She'd heard this speech several times and was bored of hearing it. Which why when the mischievous side of her started springing up she did nothing to squash it.

Instead she put her hand in the air and began squirming in her seat to gain Professor Snape's attention.

"Miss Weasley, unless you are about to burst into flames, sit still," Professor Snape ordered.

"But Professor, I need to buy a hat so can I please leave early?," Ginny asked, with the same sparkle in her eyes the twins got whenever they interrupted Snape's lesson.

"Miss Weasley, twenty points from Gryffindor for interrupting my lesson and no, you cannot leave my lesson to buy a hat," Professor Snape said, giving Ginny the famous Snape glare.

"Okay, then can I leave to turn the cooker off in my dorm room?. Because I forgot to do it this morning. Which is your fault," Ginny said, narrowing her eyes accusingly at Snape.

"Miss Weasley, stop interrupting my lesson. No you may not leave to turn off your cooker, you shouldn't have a cooker' in your dorm room to begin with and the fact that you didn't switch the thing off is in no my fault," Professor Snape said through gritted teeth.

Fine, but I really do need to leave to help Fred and George break into Dumbledore's office. Usually I wouldn't help them do it, but this lesson is really boring," Ginny whined, the other students were really beginning to struggle to stifle their giggles.

"Miss Weasley, you are not leaving this lesson until I say so. Maybe you find it boring because you're too dense to understand the skill needed for potions," Professor Snape hissed.

"I'm not going to lie, the fact the you called me dense' hurts my feelings. But I forgive you for being mean," Ginny said, clutching her chest in mock hurt.

"Miss Weasley, twenty more points taken from Gryffindor for your inability to keep your mouth closed. Now please keep your mouth closed for the remainder of the lesson," Professor Snape ordered.

Ginny made a zipping gesture on her lips, she'd bug him again at a later date.

She didn't want to lose too many points and she'd her fun anyway.

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**82\. You cannot leave class to buy a hat.**

**82a. You cannot leave class because you left the cooker on in your dorm room.**

**82b. Not allowed to have a cooker in your dorm room.**

**82c. You cannot leave class because you find it boring and you want to help the Weasley twins break into my(Dumbledore's) office.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers. **

"Please Harry," Hermione begged, pouting at her best friend.

Harry let out a growl of frustration, "Hermione for the last time I am not going to defeat the monster under your bed. Because there is no monster under your bed."

"I don't see how whether the monster exists or not, is a factor in you'killing it," Hermione said, clutching onto her pillow. Which was causing others to look at her funny considering she was in the library in her pajamas, holding a pillow.

"Hermione, I am not going to do some stupid thing no matter how much you annoy me. So give up," Harry told his best friend, who'd been spending too much time with the Weasley twins.

"NEVER," Hermione shouted, at the exact same moment a Ravenclaw prefect walked by, who to make "Shhh" gesture at Hermione.

"Don't Shhh me," Hermione said, whacking the prefect with her pillow.

Harry grabbed hold of Hermione's wrist and began to drag her away from the poor prefect.

"Bloody hell Hermione, do you know how much trouble you're going to get in?," Harry asked.

"It'll be fine once I explain that all prefects are power hungry future Dark lords," Hermione said, shrugging.

"Hermione, you're a prefect, " Harry said.

"Exactly, so I know what I'm going on about. Now let's go and kill the monster under my bed," Hermione said, grinning like an idiot.

Harry let out a sigh, he was keeping the twins away from Hermione for the foreseeable future.

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**483\. Stop asking Harry to defeat the non existing monster under your bed.**

**184\. Prefects are not power hungry future Dark Lords and you are not allowed to hit them in the face with a pillow.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers. **

Hermione had blackmailed Rita Skeeter into coming to Hogwarts and to take a statement from Harry.

Hermione thought what Harry had said was very good.

"Hogwarts is under attack by three eyed aliens, but that doesn't matter because Voldemort owns a purple hat."

"Thank-you and Bye-Bye".

But it seemed the school board of governors did and sent a psychiatrist by the name of Dr Louie to Hogwarts.

This had not gone well with any student or professor.

And led to Hermione making a temporary alliance with Snape to get rid of Dr. Louie.

Professor Snape had said Hermione could do whatever she wanted to get rid of Dr. Louie and he'd make sure she didn't get into trouble for it.

So Hermione went Professor McGonagall and politely requested that Professor McGonagall arrange a session with Dr. Louie.

If Professor McGonagall found the request odd she didn't comment on it and set up the session.

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"I have heard that you're extremely bright, but lately your behavior has been irrational and disruptive in the classroom and out of it. Do you know why that is?," Doctor Louie asked.

"Well yes, a squirrel ate my ice cream and I've found it quite distressing," Hermione faked sobbed, Doctor Louie cleared his throat.

"Miss Granger, is the squirrel in the room now?," Doctor Louie asked.

"No, why do you see a squirrel?. Oh my Merlin it just my luck to get stuck with a crazy psychiatrist. Don't worry Doc, I'm here to support you in this difficult time," Hermione declared.

"Miss Granger, I do not see a squirrel and I'm not crazy," Dr. Louie said.

"Says you, I owned a butterfly once that said it was sane then he tried to kill Harry which was kind of funny," Hermione said grinning.

"A butterfly tried to kill Mister Potter?," Doctor Louie questioned.

"No, he tried to kill my jumper called Harry. I think you secretly want to kill non jumper Harry. Admit your fiendish plot," Hermione demanded, looking at a bewildered Doctor Louie.

"Miss Granger, I do not wish to harm Mister Potter and I am not involved in any plot," Doctor Louie said, sighing loudly.

"Okay then, will you buy me a flamingo?," Hermione asked happily, she could see it was only a matter of time until Doctor Louie lost it.

"No I will not buy you a flamingo, you're one of the most annoying people I've ever had the displeasure to met," Doctor Louie growled in frustration.

"That's quite hurtful, gosh I came here to get a solution to a Garden Gnome and get insulted," Hermione said, pouting.

"Garden Gnomes have nothing to do with anything. My professional opinion is there is nothing I can do for you. I weep for those who have to deal you," Doctor Louie hissed.

"Well I can see you having a moment Doc, so I'll leave but don't worry I have another appointment tomorrow, " Hermione said grinning.

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**141\. Not allowed to give a statement to the press without my (Dumbledore's) permission Especially if the statement is this,**

**"Hogwarts is under attack by three eyed aliens, but that doesn't matter because Voldemort owns a purple hat."**

**"Thank-you and Bye-Bye".**

**142\. When a psychiatrist is sent to Hogwarts after somebody made a stupid statement to the press, you are not to drive them insane.**

**Even if Professor Snape encourages you to.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**A massive thank-you to my reviewers and readers.**

Professor Snape wasn't surprised Ella Lestrange was marched into his office by Professor McGonagall, in fact if one day went by without Ella doing something then he'd be surprised.

"What did she do this time?," Professor Snape asked, weariness evident in his voice.

"Hey, I didn't do anything," Ella protested, causing both professors to let out a snort.

"She's been forcing first years to dress-up as Leprechauns again," Professor McGonagall said, it was the third time in a week she'd caught Ella doing' it.

"Not again, what is your obsession with making first years dress-up as Leprechauns?," Professor Snape asked.

"It's funny," Ella said, picking up a cauldron of the shelf and placing it on her head. "AAAH, WHO TURNED OUT LIGHTS?,".

"Miss Lestrange, take that off your head this instance," Professor McGonagall ordered.

"You have no sense of humor," Ella said, pouting as she took the cauldron of her head.

"Miss Lestrange it has been a long week. So no, I currently have no sense of humour," Professor McGonagall snapped.

"You say that like it's my fault, your Gryffindors haven't been little angels this week either," Ella said.

"Miss Lestrange, that's enough. Go wait your common room and will discuss your behaviour later," Professor Snape said, dismissing Ella to prevent her from getting herself in more trouble.

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**386\. Cauldrons are for brewing potions in, they are not for placing on your head and screaming who turned out the lights.**

**343\. Not allowed to force first years to dress up as leprechauns.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers. **

Professor Snape had the unfortunate luck of having to oversee the detention of two of Hogwarts most currently troublesome students, Hermione Granger and Ella Lestrange.

The first five minutes the girls sat quiet and let Professor Snape get on with marking potions essays, but the Gryffindor princess and the Slytherin princess quickly grew bored of silence.

"Psst Granger, what did you do to get sent here?," Ella asked, keeping her voice low enough so Snape wouldn't hear and loud enough for Hermione to hear.

"Slapped your cousin with a fish. What did you do?," Hermione asked, grinning at the memory of having hit Draco Malfoy with a fish. It was Draco's fault he shouldn't have started bad mouthing Dumbledore in front of a Gryffindor.

"Wrote to my Aunt and Uncle, and the Weasleys telling' them Draco and Weasley girl were getting married. Some people cannot take a joke," Ella said.

"You're telling' me. Watch Snape's reaction," Hermione said, causing Ella to raise an eyebrow, but she turned eyes towards Professor Snape anyway.

"AAAAHHH," Hermione screamed loudly, but years of self training ensured Professor Snape didn't show a reaction. Which made both girls pout.

"Miss Granger, why did you scream?," Professor Snape asked.

"No reason, Hey Lestrange I just come to the conclusion that Hogwarts would be better if were drunk," Hermione said, answering Snape's question and then completely ignoring him.

"Your Right Granger, it would, " Ella agreed.

Professor Snape felt a chill run down his spine. Both girls were enough sober.

"Hogwarts would not be better if you were allowed to get drunk. Miss Granger you're not allowed to scream for no reason and both of you will remain silent for the rest of this detention," Professor Snape ordered.

Both girls shot each other small grin, Professor Snape could be so grouchy at times.

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**55\. Not allowed to start screaming for no reason.**

**61\. Hogwarts wouldn't be better if you were allowed to get drunk. **

**81\. Not allowed to write the Weasleys or the Malfoys telling them that Draco and Ginny are getting married.**

**87\. Slapping someone with a fish will result in detention even if it is because you were defending my (Dumbledore's) honor.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers. **

**AN: I was wondering if I should make this more than 30 one shots?. Please tell me if I should be more in a review.**

Fred and George Weasley were in sitting in potions. Not many people knew, but potions was one of their favorite classes. Because they got to annoy Professor Snape.

Which is why whenever Professor Snape asked a question one of the twins' hands would always shoot up.

And for some strange reason that even Professor Snape didn't know he always called on whatever twin turn it was to bug him.

Fred shuffled in his seat and thrust his hand in the air, he didn't even know what question Professor Snape had asked. But that really didn't matter.

"Mister Weasley, please enlighten us with whatever wrong answer you have today," Professor Snape sneered.

"Well Sevvie, I think if you added mustard to the potion it'd sort out that pesky puke flavor problem," Fred said, smiling.

"Mister Weasley, you will not refer to me as "Sevvie". Your answer has nothing to do with anything, which doesn't surprise me in the least," Professor Snape said, in his usual demeanor.

"Now Dracula I am certain my brother gave you a correct answer," George told the potions master.

"Mister Weasley, neither you or your brother has given me a correct answer since I've known you. Do not call me Dracula, you are to call me Professor Snape is that clear?,"Professor Snape asked.

"Not really Count Pink Pickle's," the twins said sync.

"Is there some reason you two are unable to listen or do a single thing anybody says?," Professor Snape asked ignoring the Count Pink Pickle comment.

"Yeah, My mummy Bellatrix Lestrange and Daddy Lord Voldemort say we don't have to," Fred said, earning a horrified look from Professor Snape.

"Yep, that's right people. We're the love children of Bellatrix and Voldemort," George said, looking at the rest of the students.

"Mister Weasleys, you're not the love children of the Dark Lord and Bellatrix Lestrange. If I ever here you mutter that you're I will write home to your mother before you can say Howler," Professor Snape told the mischievous twins.

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**1\. Professor Snape is to be addressed as Sir, Professor or Professor Snape.**

**He is not to be addressed as Sevvie ,Dracula or Count Pink Pickle's.**

**57\. Not allowed to claim you are the love child of Bellatrix Lestrange and Voldemort.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**AN: I've decided to make this 73 one shots instead of 30.**

**AN2: Ella Lestrange is an OC, I wanted Bellatrix to have a child so *shrugs*.**

**A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers. **

Ella Lestrange was sitting in her head of house office, once again she was in trouble.

Although she wasn't sure what she was in trouble for, there were countless things Snape could have found out about.

"Miss Lestrange, I have spent all afternoon listening to Draco whine about you forcing him to hug Potter and I've spent half the evening listening to the Dark Lord complain about your letters to him. Several of which contain ways to kill Potter," Professor Snape said, glaring.

"I'm sensing you're trying to tell me something, but I can't figure out what it is," Ella replied cheekily.

"You are not to force your cousin to hug Potter, STOP writing to the Dark Lord and suggesting ways he can kill Potter. You're lucky the Dark Lord favours your mother as much as he does or you'd be in a lot of pain right now," Professor Snape said, using his most serious voice to try and through to her.

"Okay three things, one Draco secretly liked that hug. Two everybody knows that Voldemort and my mother are lovers so he won't hurt me. Three' it is my sole purpose in life to drive everyone insane so I'm going to keep doing the things I do and this conversation is pointless," Ella declared.

"Miss Lestrange, you're not to tell me or anybody else that your sole purpose is to drive everybody insane. Do not refer to your mother and the Dark Lord as lovers as the thought of it scares the hell out me," Professor Snape told a smirking Ella.

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**477\. Not allowed to tell people your sole purpose in life is to drive others insane.**

**200\. Stop writing to Voldemort suggesting ways he can kill me and Harry Potter.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers. **

**This is chapter is for the wonderful, smart Callie. **

All the heads of houses had gone to Dumbledore pleading with him to talk to most recent troublesome students.

The Weasley twins, Neville Longbottom, Ella Lestrange, Callie Black and Hermione Granger.

All were gathered into his office.

"I know that you all know why you are here," Dumbledore told six students.

"Actually I don't," Hermione said, there were murmurs of me neither from the others.

"Miss Granger you here for writing to Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange suggesting that they get together,"

"They already are together," Callie and Ella said in sync.

"Really?," Hermione asked.

"If they weren't, I wouldn't exist. Their my parents," Callie explained.

"Miss Black, Voldemort is not your father," Dumbledore said.

"Actually he is, ever wondered why she has my mum's maiden name and I don't. Same mother, different fathers," Ella said, smirking at her younger sister.

"I think it's better if you get back to explaining why the rest of us here," Fred suggested.

"Right, well you two and Mister Longbottom are here because you plan to create Slytherin eating plans," Dumbledore told the red headed twins who were grinning and Neville who shuffling his feet.

"Miss Lestrange, is here because she missed potions again,"

"I was having a staring contest with an owl," Ella told the headmaster, as if that were perfectly normal.

"How'd you get on?," George Weasley asked.

"I lost, stupid thing wouldn't blink," Ella said, pouting.

"I lost a staring contest against a snake once," Hermione told the Slytherin princess.

"It wasn't a snake, it was a white sock with eyes drawn on," Neville muttered.

"I hate to interrupt, but I'd like to know why I'm here," Callie said, her tone much like Bellatrix's. A tone that said messing with me is a bad idea.

"You flooded the Great Hall," Dumbledore said.

"I did not, a goat broke into Hogwarts did it," Callie told the headmaster.

"That sounds the most logical explanation as to how the Great Hall got flooded," Ella said, siding with her sister.

"No it isn't. The logical explanation is that Miss Black did it. Which she will be serving two weeks detention for. Mister Longbottom, you're not to create a Slytherin eating plant."

"Mister Weasleys you are not to create a Slytherin eating plant, No student is allowed to create a Slytherin eating plant."

"Miss Lestrange, having a staring contest is not a good enough excuse for missing potions and you will make up the work you missed."

Miss Granger, you're not allowed to write to Bellatrix Lestrange or Lord Voldemort suggesting they become a couple. Because apparently they already are, " Dumbledore said addressing all the students at once, trying to show he was in charge.

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**47\. Neville Longbottom is not allowed to assist the Weasley twins in creating a plant that will eat Slytherin.**

**47a. The Weasley twins are not**

**allowed to create a plant that will eat Slytherins.**

**47b. No student is allowed to create a plant to eat anyone.**

**49\. Not allowed to write to Bellatrix Lestrange and Lord Voldemort suggesting they should get together.**

**69\. "I was having a staring contest with an owl" is not a reason for missing Potions. **

**117\. "A goat broke in and flooded the great hall" is not the most logical explanation as to how the great hall got floode**d.


End file.
